A gentle "tongue"  

Posted by Bethany

I read 1 Corinthians 14 today. I had spent several days in chapter 13, so I was just a bit afraid of the transition from the love chapter to the "tongues" chapter!

But God always surprises me.

I was fascinated by the way Paul handles the issue of tongues here. It is obvious that he has some serious concerns and as the image of the garbled worship services at Corinth appears,  you can't blame him! Yet Paul carefully and painstakingly takes his hearers through a journey of thought. He explains why their use of this spiritual gift is a problem and how. He doesn't lay down the law, or criticize them harshly. He even finds ways to praise them!

Paul certainly doesn't ignore the issues or sweep them under the rug. But he writes respectfully with words calculated to win hearts and confidence, not just to "make his point."

I was reminded of the gentleness of my Father, who says, "Come now and let us reason together..." (Is 1:16). As I read this chapter, I could sense his voice calling me to encourage and to 'rebuke' gently.

Better than life  

Posted by Bethany

I’ve struggled this past week. I’ve been stressed, I’ve gotten my priorities mucked and I’ve hurried through time with God.  Yesterday and today, I finally came back. I finally got back into the space where time doesn’t matter and all I can see is Him.

In these past two days, the message of the famous “love chapter” have spoken to me in a new and deep way. I have been awed, I have cried... and written pages upon pages in my journal!

Here are just a few excerpts:

"The most beautiful speeches, richest lyrics and most charismatic people in the world leave me empty and listless. The most moving sermons, most mind-bending truths and wisest theologians are hollow and painfully disappointing. Even desperate faith and grand charity - the charity that gives everywhere it turns and gives everything it has – all these leave me empty and angry, too.


There must be something more, something that can meet the hunger I find inside, something that can fill me, satisfy me, fulfill me. There must be something I can cling to, something that will answer my questions, nurture my soul and inspire my life.
Well, I’ve found it! 


It is all present in your love, dearest Father.


Like a richly perfumed flower, the tight bud opens to dazzle my eyes, warm my heart and enchant my senses… This love meets every hunger I have ever had, it answer every question my soul has ever whispered, it speaks deep into my soul and fulfills my hunger.  With Your love, Father, I am filled. Nothing can take it from me, nothing in life can compare with it and I would rather die than lose it.


I see it in your smiling eyes… depths of quiet pain, but brimful of wonder, of joy, of passionate love… depths that speak of a heart that cares for me in a way that no human soul ever truly can… those eyes see into the depths of my soul and they hold me.


Father... your love is everything I need.  Beside it, everything in life amounts to less than nothing.

My God, a servant  

Posted by Bethany

I was reminded of what I’m really like today... and how different God is from me.


I journeyed through 1 Corinthians 11 and found myself asking the question, “Hierarchy?”  when Paul spoke about headship. I felt protective and uncomfortable when Paul said, “the woman is the glory of the man” and vindicated when I read “In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman...”  

As I strolled by the chaotic Corinthian church lunches, I had to cringe. I could see myself too clearly in the impatient-to-eat believers who grabbed their food “without waiting for anybody else”. I am impatient.

Then, there was Jesus.  Paul takes me back to "the night he was betrayed…" and I see my God taking the role of a slave and washing dirty feet, passing around the bread that symbolizes his own body broken for me.

While I’m shuffling along, puzzling, “Who is most important?” (the unspoken question hanging heavy: “What about me?”) it is then that I see God, the greatest of all, taking a bowl to wash my feet. It seems that I can read his eyes today. They whisper gently, “Status means nothing to me.  I am a servant. Will you follow me?”

My heart - and God's  

Posted by Bethany


Good morning!  I can hardly believe it is already Friday – the week is almost over and Sabbath is so close…

My reading for today was 1 Corinthians 10 – such an awesome, thought-provoking chapter!

Here are the things I learned about God:
  • God is not arbitrary – He is happy to answer the question “why?”
  • God is selfless and his kingdom is all about selfless love – each person caring for and nurturing the other.  This is just so beautiful!   
  • God is with me no matter what happens, especially for trials and temptations. Nothing takes him by surprise – there is always a way open to get out of the sticky situation untarnished.
  • God is not unreasonable!  He allows for variety and exceptions… in many areas, he gives us principles, rather than rules. They adapt to fit situations and meet human need.  But salvation is always the primary concern – others and our own.
  • There is a cosmic battle going on and I can’t dabble with evil and still be God’s.  Just can’t.
This verse challenged my heart: "So if you think you are standing, watch out that you do not fall.” (1 Cor 10:12)

I am reminded to invite God to search my heart. He calls me to plan to take time out on a regular basis for evaluation - he and I together. It is not safe to just coast along, letting life suck me in… while I rest on the assurance I knew yesterday.

I need to know today where I stand with God: to know for sure that He has all of my heart.  :-)

The tears of God  

Posted by Bethany

I can hardly write today.  I’m crying while I struggle to think and to put words together.

Let me try to explain:

I read 1 Corinthians 9 today. Paul writes about the “rights” he has willingly forfeited in his desperate bid to bring people to Jesus.  Finally he says, “I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some.”  The emphasis is on all, and the final word, some appears as a discordant and jarring note.  Paul is doing everything he can in every situation he is in and with every person he meets, so that by every means within his power, only some will be saved!?

I felt sorry for Paul. 

But then I thought of God.

God longs to save each one of us so much that He does everything possible in order to reach our hearts.  He isn’t a God of half-measures. He is all in!  Paul speaks of being compelled to preach the gospel – it was no halfhearted choice, no toss-up between plan A or B!  He preaches because he can’t keep it in! The fire of passion and love burns in his bones and drives him.

Just so, God didn’t waver between the decision to save us or let us go. Even though the choice was difficult and painful - even though he knew it would cost him everything - it wasn’t really a choice.  His intense, deep love compelled him to reach out and to give his all so that he could rescue us.

But there is that haunting statement: “I have become all things to all men so that by all means I might save some!”

In the face of sin, even all of the heart-felt attempts of the all-powerful God of the Universe can only save some.  Sin has restricted God and robbed him of what his heart desires. God dearly longs to rescue each person this world has ever birthed. Every single heart that beats on this planet tugs desperately at his great heart. But God is not able to save all. Sin has robbed God and sin has cost God so much - not only the suffering of the cross, but also the loss of each individual that he couldn't save and that he must live without for eternity.

Revelation says that God will wipe away our tears. But who can wipe away His tears


How then can I love sin at all? How can I shrug my shoulders and keep a few of its souvenirs in my heart when it has hurt my dear Father so much?!

Oh Father, no! I hate it!  I’m so sorry for the “little sins” that I have let into my heart.  Father, I just hate what sin is doing to You and I want nothing to do with it.  Sin in all of its forms will be my enemy just as it is your enemy. I abhor it and I feel so angry and heart-broken for the pain it has caused to You… oh my precious Father…     

Growing in and with Jesus...  

Posted by Bethany

Good morning!!! This morning I planned an early start (4AM) because I NEED to get some serious research done, but I woke up instead at 3:30 from a nightmare.  It was one of those supernatural ones where something that seems demonic is attacking you and when you try to call the name of Jesus your voice doesn’t make a sound.  Has anyone else experienced that?  I’m  wondering this morning if such dreams really are demonic or imaginary?  Before last night, I haven’t had one for as long as I can remember… 

Anyway, I studied 1 Corinthians 8 today. The verse I’d like to share is the last part of verse 1: “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.”

The way I used to think of these terms was:  “puffs up”  = makes one proud & “builds up” = encourages and nourishes the church community.

Bubbles are like truth without relationship:
beauty, but no substance.
 
I still think those concepts are there. But today, as I reflected on them, I saw something more.  I saw the two phrases as both referring to spiritual growth.  As I thought of “puffs up” versus “builds up”, I found myself picturing on the one hand a building erected brick by brick and an inflatable castle.  The castle “grows” a lot faster, but a little bit of pressure (a tiny puncture) and there is nothing to it. The house grows slowly, brick by brick, but it is strong, safe and dependable.  It won’t fall with slight pricks and annoyances – or heavy pressure.  It is solid.

It made me reflect that knowledge alone isn't a good Christian foundation and it won't lead to spiritual growth.  It is only in a relationship with Jesus that growth happens.  “We are His workmanship.” (Eph. 2:10)

Very practically, this reminds me of the emphasis that I used to put on knowing the truth (signs of the end, details of secret masonic orders and conspiracies, the right theory of righteousness by faith…) and feeling somehow that there was power in this knowledge and that “getting it right” would hugely impact my salvation.  But now I realize that apart from a real daily walk with God – where I meet with Him in the secret place of prayer and Bible study and then walk with him through the day, letting him lead and resting in Him – apart from that, all the truth in the world is worse than useless.  It will make me a proud, empty Christian who has no substance and no real heart change.

Oh Father, please always keep my eyes on You and my hand in Yours! 

Just what I needed...  

Posted by Bethany

I slept in today, and then I found myself getting caught up in the day instead of stopping to find myself in God first.  I ate breakfast, checked facebook, cuddled with Ben and edited my sister’s engagement pics.  Before too long, I noticed that I was feeling out of sorts and getting grouchy with my husband.  Then when I saw the time and remembered everything that is facing me today, I started getting stressed and panicky.  Plus I felt guilty and foolish for putting off my time with God.

I knew I didn’t have time for my study in Corinthians, so I kind of whispered a quick prayer, asking God where I should meditate.  The thought came just as quickly: Psalm 46.  I love Psalm 46, so I wasted no time in getting there and started reading it aloud.  For a second, it almost seemed too familiar and I thought, “I’ve already meditated on this Psalm really recently. Maybe I should pick another one…”  when I came to verse five and I remembered why it was so familiar.

Just a few days ago I wandered off and felt really disconnected from God after a time-wasting spree (mentioned in my “Understanding surrender” post).  After it, I prayed and cried and begged God for forgiveness and for a sense of closeness with Him again.  Then I read through Psalm 46.

I know this verse is speaking about Zion in its original context, but God spoke the words into my heart:

“God is within her, she will not fall:
God will help her at the break of day” 


When I got to that passage today I got goosebumps.  In today’s situation, so much like the last one, where I felt empty and alone, God reminded me that He is with me and that His Spirit is within me. I won’t fall.
The stress and fears of the day just rolled away.  God is with me, He is my strength and my safe place. I am at peace and confident now – IN HIM!

Bits'n'bits  

Posted by Bethany

Just sneaking in a few more profound thoughts from 1 Cor 7 - too fascinating to keep to myself! 

v 22: He who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord’s freedman; similarly, he who was a free man when he was called is Christ’s slave.

  • God is the ultimate master. He has bought us, so we do belong to him, yet he has bought us for freedom!  What a beautiful paradox! And truly, it is only in living for him and serving him that we can truly life free.  The chains of sin automatically attach themselves to us like powerful magnetic forces.  Only being united to Christ – being attached to him – can break that magnetic force and keep us free from oppressive slavery.  

And... last, you can't rightly blog 1 Cor 7 without talking about sex, so here it is!

v 4-5: "The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you..."
  • As a married woman, God calls me to pursue sexual intimacy! God created me to enjoy sexuality and it is a sacred union that God planned for us to discover and explore together in marriage.  Maintaining and protecting our sexual relationship will protect and guard our marriage - help keep it affair-proof!  (v 5) Wow…  some new thoughts for me there!  :-)

Important - or merely urgent?  

Posted by Bethany

I can’t put into words the miracle of this morning.  I woke up at 1:30. You might think I just do that sort of thing, but I don’t and I generally find I can’t!  The last time I got up near 1 to study was about 10 years ago.  These days I often struggle to get up at 7!  Anyway, I had a late assignment that I needed to get done and God knew I had less time and more study ahead of me than I realized, so he woke up at 1:30.  Just like that, I was awake and alert.  Such a gift!

I enjoyed such a rich prayer and study time with Him…  I almost forgot I needed to study! Haha!  Fact is, my expectations were a bit on the ho-hum side this morning.  I was due to study 1 Cor 7 and I already knew what it was about – from memory, mostly sex – and I felt like I’d already read through it plenty of times.  But as it turned out, I learned - so much!  In fact, it’s hard to choose what to share because every part is so special to me.

Here’s my big thought passage:  1 Cor 7:29-31 "What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away."

At first, I thought something like, “What in the world?” but then, as I prayed, it made sense.  This passage suggests to that whatever this life involves us in shouldn’t completely absorb us. We don't need to get stuck in the rut of life or sucked into its rate race. The here and now is only temporary, only God is worth the top spot on my priorities list.  This is the truly important in a life that crowds me with multiple urgencies.  In the midst of it all, God calls to me not to allow them to tyrannize my life and steal my peace.  May I never let the urgent crowd out the truly important! 

My journey out of legalism & Paul  

Posted by Bethany

I've been thinking about writing a blog post about my journey out of legalism eventually. Today I realized I can't put it off!

I used to live by so many rules. I noticed the bad effect of a movie I watched, so I decided - no more movies. Full stop. Secular music seemed like dangerous ground, so I refused to listen to anything secular. My health was religious, too. I wouldn't eat anything that could possibly be unhealthy in any way. I ended up going 85% raw and making everything from scratch for a while. But I wasn't happy or enjoying a fulfilling intimate relationship with God. I struggled to find meaning in my devotional life and I felt guilty for some broken rule 99% of the time. I was often "disappointed" by the Christians around me who I saw breaking rules (read: judgmental - yes, I was!). I felt like I was better than them, and yet... I knew I wasn't making it.

Then, I found freedom! I discovered that most of my rules weren't divinely binding and I ditched many of them. I stopped worrying about trying to be good enough for God, and decided to just get to know Him. (That is when I started journalling.) I read the Bible with new questions, "Who is God? What is he actually like? what is his personality?" I decided I would get to know him the way I try to get to know any new friend. That's when I really started to fall in love with Him. I started to enjoy my daily devotions. I lived free from guilt, so I was finally light-hearted and truly happy. I learned to accept everyone and love them as they were. I also discovered that I could know I was saved just because I had accepted Jesus sacrifice for my sins (1 John 5:13, John 3:16).  I finally found huge, unending joy in being a Christian. As for my life, I still tried to be healthy, but I didn't stress about it too much. I even decided that I could eat chocolate  (I grew up not eating chocolate and believing it to be a sin to eat it.) I watched movies, sometimes even to an excess. I enjoyed dancing around the house to secular favourites like "Pretty Woman".

Some of these things have changed as I have noticed them hurting my closeness with my Father, who I love desperately.  But today's passage spoke to my journey powerfully and gave me new understanding: "Everything is permissible - but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible - but I will not be mastered by anything." (1 Cor 6:12)

"Everything is permissible to me" - yes, I can eat chocolate, I can listen to secular music, I can watch movies. All true. As long as I am pursuing and loving God, I am still his child.

"but not everything is beneficial" - it's not a sin for me to eat chocolate, but is it good for me? (I'm fascinated that the Corinthian Christians hugely abused their freedom in Christ, but Paul didn't react by writing a list of rules).

Everything is permitted, "but I will not be mastered by anything" - this line made me think about movies, novels and music, in particular. I can watch a movie, listen to music and still be God's child. But that doesn't change the fact that when I do so, I am giving over some control of me to these mediums. After I watch a movie, I find myself thinking about it over and over for at least the next few days. Just yesterday, I noticed a cute country song I heard weeks ago playing in my head. I didn't decide to play it in my head - it chose to make me listen to it that time! In what I watch and what I listen to, I am giving some control away. This doesn't suggest to me that I should never watch another movie or listen to another song, but when I choose what I watch or what I listen to, I'll ask myself, "Am I happy to give this a place in my mind? Am I willing for it play over and over and feed my soul?" I don't feel that cuts out all movies or all secular music, but it gives me the right questions to ask when I choose them - questions about which path I want to be on, about how serious I am about making God my number one today and tomorrow.


Yes, some of my new convictions might sound like reminders of the rules I used to live by. But now I know they don't affect how God feels about me. As long as I want him and love him, I am his girl. But I love him so much now that its easy to ditch anything that takes me away from him. I have found such joy, such satisfaction and real LIFE in him, all I want is to be closer to him - to live always in the peace and joy I find in his arms.

It is because of these pages in my experience, that I strongly resonate with David's words, "Your love is better than life!" 

Heartbroken God  

Posted by Bethany

Good morning & happy Sabbath! I didn't have time to do my typical study in Corinthians, so I spent some time in Psalm 81 instead. I love doing something different every now for variety. :-)

I have been flat out this morning with getting ready for church (even more so because I'm coordinating the service today and I had to print out run sheets etc), so I'm actually writing this in the car on the way to church!

Here are some thoughts from my reading:
Ps 81:8, 11, 13, 14, 16: “Hear, O my people, and I will warn you— if you would but listen to me, O Israel! 11 “But my people would not listen to me; Israel would not submit to me. 13 “If my people would but listen to me, if Israel would follow my ways, 14 how quickly would I subdue their enemies and turn my hand against their foes! ...you would be fed with the finest of wheat; with honey from the rock I would satisfy you.”

I couldn't help but feel the depths of God's yearning for authentic relationship with his people. There is such a heartbreaking pathos in his anguish! I couldn't help but respond with "Oh Father, I will listen! I will follow your ways! You are my hero, you deliver me from the attacks of the enemy. I am nourished, well fed and completely satisfied in You!"

Heart Song :-)  

Posted by Bethany



This song speaks to me so deeply... the lyrics stir my heart and the melody soothes my soul.

 
Jesus Draw Me

Jesus, draw me ever nearer
As I labor through the storm
You have called me to this passage
And I'll follow though I'm worn

Chorus:
May this journey bring a blessing
May I rise on wings of faith
At the end of my heart's testing
With Your likeness let me wake

Jesus, guide me through the tempest
Keep my spirit staid and sure
When the midnight meets the morning
Let me love You even more

(Chorus)

Let the treasures of the trial
Form within me as I go
And at the end of this long passage
Let me leave them at Your throne

My favourite line: At the end of my heart's testing / With Your likeness let me wake. The beauty of God captivates my spirit... and the longing to have his loveliness in me makes me a true captive to hope. 

P.s isn't the poem thrilling, too?!

Understanding surrender...  

Posted by Bethany


I'll confess I was a bit worried about this morning’s reading.  I remembered 1 Corinthians 5 as the part about the man who’s sleeping with his stepmother – inspiring stuff, for sure! :-) So I specifically asked God to teach me something practical. 

This passage jumped out at me: 1 Cor 5:6- 8 “Don’t you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough? 7 Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. 8 Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old yeast, the yeast of malice and wickedness, but with bread without yeast, the bread of sincerity and truth.”

I couldn't figure out what this could mean for me at first. So I pasted it into a word document and started by summarizing it  in my own words.  Then I saw what God was trying to tell me. I was reminded of all the 'little things' I do in my day that I shouldn't do at the time – checking facebook during my prayer time, reading a few pages from a storybook when I should be studying and so on... 

It happened yesterday! I knew I needed to get an assignment done, but I kept checking my blog and facebook. Then I wandered off and read a storybook for an hour.  After I put the book down, I felt so far from God I cried. 

I keep asking God to lead me through the day, and then so often I go off and do my own thing.  It has happened so many times I had to wonder, "Will I ever change?" and also, the question of "Why is God so far when what I did was so innocent?"

I feel like God explained it to me in this morning's passage.  These little things, like those few grains of yeast change  my whole direction and break my connection with God.  It is kind of like we are on this road together and when I veer off to do my own thing, I am unclasping my hand from his and leaving the path. It might only seem like a small step off the path, but it leads away from the path.  Once I have left the path, I find I have to to turn around and struggle back before I can be back at His side, walking hand in hand again.

But praise God!  This passage reminded me that even though  I might mix some deadly yeast into my life, that’s not who I am.  God continues to call me back to himself and into my true identity – the new me.
 
Daddy, thank you! now I understand... You can’t come with me when I leave the path, because that is the devil’s territory. So that's is why I feel so alone and empty when I go off and do my own thing!  But you always take me back with open arms. You give me sweet words of comfort and love. You remind me of who I am - I am yours. How I want to walk with you, hand in hand always