I've been thinking about writing a blog post about my journey out of legalism eventually. Today I realized I can't put it off!

I used to live by so many rules. I noticed the bad effect of a movie I watched, so I decided - no more movies. Full stop. Secular music seemed like dangerous ground, so I refused to listen to anything secular. My health was religious, too. I wouldn't eat anything that could possibly be unhealthy in any way. I ended up going 85% raw and making everything from scratch for a while. But I wasn't happy or enjoying a fulfilling intimate relationship with God. I struggled to find meaning in my devotional life and I felt guilty for some broken rule 99% of the time. I was often "disappointed" by the Christians around me who I saw breaking rules (read: judgmental - yes, I was!). I felt like I was better than them, and yet... I knew I wasn't making it.

Then, I found freedom! I discovered that most of my rules weren't divinely binding and I ditched many of them. I stopped worrying about trying to be good enough for God, and decided to just get to know Him. (That is when I started journalling.) I read the Bible with new questions, "Who is God? What is he actually like? what is his personality?" I decided I would get to know him the way I try to get to know any new friend. That's when I really started to fall in love with Him. I started to enjoy my daily devotions. I lived free from guilt, so I was finally light-hearted and truly happy. I learned to accept everyone and love them as they were. I also discovered that I could know I was saved just because I had accepted Jesus sacrifice for my sins (1 John 5:13, John 3:16).  I finally found huge, unending joy in being a Christian. As for my life, I still tried to be healthy, but I didn't stress about it too much. I even decided that I could eat chocolate  (I grew up not eating chocolate and believing it to be a sin to eat it.) I watched movies, sometimes even to an excess. I enjoyed dancing around the house to secular favourites like "Pretty Woman".

Some of these things have changed as I have noticed them hurting my closeness with my Father, who I love desperately.  But today's passage spoke to my journey powerfully and gave me new understanding: "Everything is permissible - but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible - but I will not be mastered by anything." (1 Cor 6:12)

"Everything is permissible to me" - yes, I can eat chocolate, I can listen to secular music, I can watch movies. All true. As long as I am pursuing and loving God, I am still his child.

"but not everything is beneficial" - it's not a sin for me to eat chocolate, but is it good for me? (I'm fascinated that the Corinthian Christians hugely abused their freedom in Christ, but Paul didn't react by writing a list of rules).

Everything is permitted, "but I will not be mastered by anything" - this line made me think about movies, novels and music, in particular. I can watch a movie, listen to music and still be God's child. But that doesn't change the fact that when I do so, I am giving over some control of me to these mediums. After I watch a movie, I find myself thinking about it over and over for at least the next few days. Just yesterday, I noticed a cute country song I heard weeks ago playing in my head. I didn't decide to play it in my head - it chose to make me listen to it that time! In what I watch and what I listen to, I am giving some control away. This doesn't suggest to me that I should never watch another movie or listen to another song, but when I choose what I watch or what I listen to, I'll ask myself, "Am I happy to give this a place in my mind? Am I willing for it play over and over and feed my soul?" I don't feel that cuts out all movies or all secular music, but it gives me the right questions to ask when I choose them - questions about which path I want to be on, about how serious I am about making God my number one today and tomorrow.


Yes, some of my new convictions might sound like reminders of the rules I used to live by. But now I know they don't affect how God feels about me. As long as I want him and love him, I am his girl. But I love him so much now that its easy to ditch anything that takes me away from him. I have found such joy, such satisfaction and real LIFE in him, all I want is to be closer to him - to live always in the peace and joy I find in his arms.

It is because of these pages in my experience, that I strongly resonate with David's words, "Your love is better than life!"